Men loving other men
Why do some straight men hold sex with other men?
According to nationally-representative surveys in the United States, hundreds of thousands of straight-identified men have had sex with other men.
In the fresh book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America released today, UBC sociologist Dr. Tony Silva argues that these men – many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing and shooting guns – are not closeted, bisexual or just experimenting.
After interviewing 60 of these men over three years, Dr. Silva found that they enjoy a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly identifying with straight culture.
We spoke with Dr. Silva about his book.
Why perform straight-identified men have sex with other men?
The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. They explained that although they loved their wives, their marital sex lives were not as active as they
What Gay and Bi Men Really Want
Are physical and sexual attraction the most appealing qualities in a partner? Or are unseen qualities like good manners and reliability the most attractive?
Following on from his research into what straight women want and what straight men want, D&M Research’s managing director Derek Jones has taken the next logical step with his latest study into what gay and bi(sexual) men want.
In order to dig deeper and draw out a genuine list of turn-ons and turn-offs for gay and bi men, Derek once again used of the Im-Ex Polygraph method. He originally devised this method of analysis to distinguish what people say they want from brands, products or services from what they really want by comparing stated versus derived measures of importance.
Qualities the gay and bi men said they desired in a partner (‘stated’) were compared to the qualities introduce in example celebrities they nominated as attractive (‘implied’). The equal comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs.
By Dr. Tony Silva
Sexual identities and sexual behaviours don’t always pair because sexuality is multidimensional. Many people recognize sexual fluidity, and some even identify as “mostly straight.”
Fewer people know that some men and women have same-sex encounters, yet nonetheless perceive themselves as exclusively straight. And these people are not necessarily “closeted” gays, lesbians or bisexuals.
When a closeted gay or bisexual noun has sex with another guy, he views that sex as reflecting his secret identity. He is not open about that identity, likely because he fears discrimination. When a straight male has sex with another male, however, he views himself as straight despite his sex with men.
In my book, Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America, I probe why some men who recognize as straight have sex with other men. Large nationally representative surveys show that hundreds of thousands of straight American men — at least — hold had sex with two or more other men. This finding represents a disconnect between identity and behaviour,
“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”
&#; Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory